After decades of ignored climate warnings, scientists turn to scripture, collabs, and Bill Nye to finally get humanity’s attention.
After years of being politely ignored by governments, billionaires, and the general public, the IPCC has dropped its most ambitious report yet — a collaborative project featuring climate data, scripture from the Book of Revelation, and, inexplicably, Bill Nye. Titled The End is Nye, the 2025 Special Report opens with global temperature graphs and ends with a literal fire-and-brimstone forecast. “Apparently, pie charts weren't terrifying enough,” said lead author Dr. Elise Novak. “So we added the Seven Seals.”
Bill Nye, appearing in a blood-red bow tie and wielding both a Bible and a laser pointer, delivered the report’s keynote at the UN. “Science has spoken. Now so has God,” he declared, to thunderous applause and three spontaneous baptisms. Early reviews of the report describe it as “part TED Talk, part end-times sermon, all vibes.” A deluxe edition is rumored to include scented candles, a survival manual, and a signed scroll from one of the Four Horsemen.
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