Hershey’s Reports Strong Q3 as Canadians Roast S’mores in the Boreal Forest

In what analysts are calling a "sweet spot between tragedy and tradition," Hershey’s reported its strongest Q2 and Q3 earnings in over a decade—fueled largely by a 600% increase in marshmallow and chocolate bar consumption across fire-ravaged regions of Canada. With much of the boreal forest now functioning as one continuous open flame, citizens have embraced a new national pastime: panic camping with a side of graham crackers.

“We’re just proud to be part of the Canadian experience,” said Hershey Canada’s CEO, holding back tears—of laughter—during the quarterly earnings call. “Nothing brings families together like staring into a fire that used to be a forest, wondering if it’s safe to toast a third marshmallow. Honestly, it's been great for brand engagement.” Meanwhile, climate scientists were unavailable for comment, presumably because they were busy trying to put out Manitoba.